And we're back.
Oct. 1st, 2010 02:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
freddiefragglesI was unable to get internets in hospital, so here is one long post with everything I wrote.
22/09/10 21:24
Sitting in Bed 5, Margaret Harte Ward. William is on my knee. Got a bit of a headache but I think it's from being tired really. Some of the ladies on the ward are settling down for sleep but I don't think I will just yet. First, I'll write about some of the ladies who are here.
To my left is Hazel. She is a very bright and alert elderly lady who is reading a book about evacuees that she says is very interesting. There's Rochelle opposite to the left who is quite chatty. Straight opposite is Mahresh (?) who I haven't spoken to yet. Opposite to the right is Dianne who is a Little Person and very very chatty. To my right I'm not sure who she is. Judging by the whiteboard at the nurses' station, quite a few ladies will be going home soon, so it will be all change no doubt.
Sadly there is a lack of wifi that I can get to, there are two lovely strong networks (one is RNOH Staff, the other is RNOH Voice) but they are both password-protected. Mobile signal is patchy as well unfortunately, but as I sit here with my phone on the table by my laptop I've got some 3G. Then I'll pick it up and it'll go to G and then disappears! And then comes back again. Feh.
23/09/10 01:50
Can't sleep and have a terrible headache because of it. Feeling really damn scared right now and having a cry. Except I can't seem to stop crying. I'm overthinking and worrying about stuff I can't realistically do anything about. And there are things beeping and women farting for England and this bed just isn't as comfy as the one at home and and and...
I wish I could block out all thought and sound and every sensation that is screaming “You're not at home, you're in hospital and tomorrow you'll be in so much pain,” because it is really NOT HELPING in the slightest. I have shut the curtains around my bed in an attempt to visually block things.
I have texted Queen and I have talked to Tom (I went into the Day Room to be able to talk properly and have a weep but was gently shepherded out by nurses because they didn't know where I was. Next time I will call him from my bed, even if it is 3am) but nothing really helps. I am desperate for a cuddle that would comfort me for five minutes and give me that little bit of strength that I need to steel myself to get through this. I will see him in a few days though, he is coming on Tuesday and he is bringing teddies for cuddles.
I am worrying about stupid things: the fact I need to have a crap before I go into surgery, will they put a catheter in, will they say that not having an epidural is ok, will there be complications and will I wake up without a lower right leg. Actually, as Tom has pointed out, if the latter happens, I'll be walking quicker than if it doesn't.
I have to work out which way is North West from when I am sitting in bed so that William and I can wave to Firmin, Beh', Elg, Emily and Tom. This would be easier if I had a compass as the only map of the hospital I have doesn't have a compass on it. I am trying to look for an app for one on my phone but the aforementioned signal issues aren't helping. A few minutes later and I have found, downloaded and installed one. Amazingly, when I sit up in bed, I face North West. So that's easy then!
02:17
Well, the crying seems to have lessened a bit and the desire to succumb to exhaustion is high but the likelihood of being able to do so continues to be rock bottom. I could watch a film but I don't really want to and I don't think my book could hold my attention well enough. Have just worked out that it's nearly 200 miles to Tom's house from here. That's a long way to wave.
09:04
I'm waiting for the shower to be free. Apparently I have to take one this morning. I guess that makes sense, though I've no shower gel with me. Oh well. I'll have to try and get the plaster off my elbow as well.
I did manage to get some sleep in the end, after numbing my brain with Solitaire until about half 3. I'm nil by mouth now unfortunately. I've seen the lady who came to take blood yesterday (Angela), she tried again today and failed miserably again. My hand is a bit sore because of it. I've also seen the anaesthetist (need to try and get his name) (Mr Cooper?) and a guy who is an assistant surgeon. And also Mr Calder. The anaesthetist and Mr Calder are lovely and I'm in good hands. I feel much more sure about it this morning after seeing them, which is lucky.
24/09/10 18:09
It's been a long day. Obs at 6.45 and full lights on at 7 meant I was awake from then without much choice in the matter! I had a bowl of branflakes and a cup of tea for breakfast. I saw Nicola the physio and she helped me put my legs out of bed and stand on my left leg! She was very pleased with how well I was doing already. In between main course and pudding at lunch Mr Calder waltzed in to tell me how the surgery 'went like a dream' and to have a look at how I was doing. Mum came and brought treats like apple and orange juice and a smoothie and fresh blueberries and raspberries and a yoghurt and some biscuits. Lovely.
I have also managed to use the commode now instead of the bedpan, which is incredibly good.
My nurse today has mostly been Karen who lives in Brixworth near Kettering.
Thankfully, Rochelle will be going home tomorrow and I will be glad because she talks a lot and a lot of rubbish and complains and is quite negative, which isn't particularly welcome.
Now I need to ring for the commode again and to ask them to undo the anti-DVT thing a little (it's too tight) and to move my right leg so it's in a much better position. I've slouched and it's not helping. I am very sleepy though.
21:29
Oh god, the anti-DVT thing. I want to kill whoever invented it. My right leg keeps twitching as well, which is like torture. The left leg is like having recurring pins and needles every fifteen seconds. I'm pretty sure it's not meant to be like that. Think there might be pressure on my leg in the wrong place because of the pillow underneath it. I've just rolled it slightly and now it doesn't feel like my calf is touching the bandage. Fucking hell. Ow.
Right, going to call for the commode again and then see if I can tuck up to sleep. I'm certainly exhausted enough.
25/09/10 08:50
oh god oh god the pain. Just had first painkillers of the morning, first for about ten hours. This is so painful. Trying to keep wiggling my toes is really hard. Just been on the commode too and managed to stand with the walker for about two minutes while waiting for a nurse to turn up and help back into bed. Gave me pins and needles in my left leg. Right knee hurts. Right heel hurts. Feel like I can't relax my right leg so I hope the physio arrives soon and helps me figure out what's going on with the pillow. I still can't lift my leg unaided. It's so heavy. And it hurts so much. William is doing really well and is cuddling me a lot but he can't do anything to stop it hurting.
Having just been on the commode, they seem to have forgotten to put the anti-DVT torture device back on my left leg which is nice. But I need someone to lift my leg and sort out the pillow, I think I'm getting pressure sores.
Ok, we've tried moving my leg a bit. They're going to try putting a trough underneath at some point I don't know what that is but hopefully it will help.
10:46
I've had more painkillers, and a wash. Clean sheets, t-shirt pants and bra on. Feeling more human. William is giving me a lovely cuddle. It's nice and sunny outside. They've forgotten to put the anti-DVT thing on again, and apparently they don't put it back on when it's been off for more than 3 hours, which it pretty much has been.
Later I hope they will take the last canula out of my hand so I can actually use it properly. I'm trying to keep drinking too. Just managed to lift my leg enough to clear the pillow and reposition. Ow! But I did it!
Halfway through my wash, another vampire came to do post-op blood removal for tests. She was very good and very quick. She said to take the tape off after about half an hour, so I have done. Ow! Sigh, we'll get there eventually.
20:40
I've managed to get into my nightie by myself. My leg is tingling a bit but it's probably mostly because I can see it all now. Bandages came off earlier and the whole thing seems heavier! I was almost managing to move it around a bit by myself with the bandages on but now I feel like I don't know how to go about it so much. It's just so heavy. I know I'm tired and that makes it worse, but it really is a fucking heavy contraption.
I'm really tired. Walked with the physio to the end of the ward and back and then walked to the toilet and back. It's a lot longer than you think, must've been about a 50m round trip. BUT I'm really pleased with myself, it proves I can do it though I don't have to and will now continue to use the commode until I've gotten my strength up more.
My head is itchy. Needs a better wash really, but I've no soap. Have texted mum to ask her to bring some tomorrow. Can't wait for this canula to come out tomorrow, it's probably not in a vein anymore and it hurts.
22:08
New form of anti-DVT torture device: injection into tummy!!! Sigh.
One of the pin sites started bleeding on the way back into bed from the commode, probably because of the exertion. Apparently it's not unusual when the dressings have been taken off, and it didn't look very blood-like (kind of water-y really). Just a bit of a dribble.
I hope I can get comfy tonight, I'm really worn out and a bit worried about what it'll be like sleeping when the frame isn't all bandaged up. Might ask for a blanket or sheet to wrap around or put over. Might get chilly. Signs are not pointing to chilliness, I'm quite warm. Toes might get cold though.
26/09/10 08:33
It's chilly this morning. Fingers are cold. Leg is sore and achey, but painkillers have been maintained overnight so I think the ache is just a general to be expected and the position I've slept in. I've had a bowl of branflakes and two slices of brown toast for breakfast and I'm really hoping that I'll have a bowel movement this morning, as the last one was on Thursday morning before the op. I'll probably have to do that on the commode, I don't fancy going all the way to the toilet. It's a bloody long way. They've started doing beds and I'll suggest having the commode while they make my bed again, which they did yesterday, as it's a lot easier for them to change the bed sheets with no patient on.
10:03
I've washed and dressed myself. Pleased that I managed it but I'm now really worn out. Was sat up with my leg down for about 10-15 minutes which made me feel really woozy, unsurprisingly. Back in bed now with clean sheets and clean teeth. Cup of tea has just been made and William is having a sit up and is helping me type. He just went flying off the bed, think he is feeling better today too. Time to play a computer game, methinks.
29/09/10 07:33
I seem to have fallen out of the habit of writing in this.
A lot has been going on since the last entry but twitter has been sufficient for me for writing stuff down, I think. Or I haven't felt like typing.
Most interesting things that have happened:
DM came to visit on Sunday evening
Tom came to visit with Beh', Firmin and Elg yesterday (it was William's birthday too)
Mary did my pin site care with Mum and I yesterday
Mr Calder came and wrote down numbers to put into the computer so it will spit out a turning pattern for the frame
I've opened my bowels
I sat on a trolley waiting for / having an x-ray for about two hours on Monday, but haven't seen the pictures yet
A lady on the other side of the ward caused a long and loud disturbance yesterday which really upset me: I'm mentally composing a letter / comments form to the ward manager regarding the calm professionalism of the nurses who dealt with the patient
That's about it really. I'm still in pain and beginning to want to be at home. Today is physio this morning because the porter brought a wheelchair I had no chance of getting into yesterday afternoon. Then this afternoon is 'distractions', also known as 'turning of the screws'. Or something. I get the feeling the thing I thought was a Friday clinic is actually a Wednesday, so that's a bit different.
I'm really tired. Going to sit here and listen to music a while with my eyes closed till the nurses get to me for swapover.
09:42
Washed, dressed, waiting for porter for physio. Feeling more with it now though my leg is aching. I think that'll be a theme over the next year. I've jettisoned a few cushioning bits under it overnight and now just have a thin pillow underneath, which is helping with the extension for my hamstring. I don't think it's really affecting anything else under there, and the aching is probably because of Mr Calder coming and twiddling the screws yesterday.
22:59
Just typed up my first set of distractions numbers so I can put them in the Cloud for usefulness. Mum and Dad were here when Mr Calder and Mary arrived to do the first turning, I'm glad that Dad got to see how it's done and that Mr Calder could explain it a bit to him, it means he is confident enough to help do turning for me. I'll be back next Wednesday for clinic!
I am going home tomorrow. I have been signed off by physio, OT and consultant and all I need are the drugs, basically. I'm looking forward to it, mostly for the nicer bed if I'm honest, it's not nice lying on these plastic mattresses – you get hot really quickly. I have got Hazel's address so I can send her Christmas cards! Gave my comments 'form' to Claire (Senior Staff Nurse) to read before she put them in the comments box for me. She was on her way home when I did but she obviously read them before she left as she sent a message through with Tina (Student Nurse!) to say that she'd read it and that it made her teary! Awww! But credit where credit is due. Nursing can be such a thankless task, it's why I have tried to learn some of the nurses' names and say thank you whenever they do something for me or bring PILLS!
Tomorrow I will be back in the land of the internet and I will post this, probably as a job lot, to the blog. If you've read this far, well done and you're all caught up.
22/09/10 21:24
Sitting in Bed 5, Margaret Harte Ward. William is on my knee. Got a bit of a headache but I think it's from being tired really. Some of the ladies on the ward are settling down for sleep but I don't think I will just yet. First, I'll write about some of the ladies who are here.
To my left is Hazel. She is a very bright and alert elderly lady who is reading a book about evacuees that she says is very interesting. There's Rochelle opposite to the left who is quite chatty. Straight opposite is Mahresh (?) who I haven't spoken to yet. Opposite to the right is Dianne who is a Little Person and very very chatty. To my right I'm not sure who she is. Judging by the whiteboard at the nurses' station, quite a few ladies will be going home soon, so it will be all change no doubt.
Sadly there is a lack of wifi that I can get to, there are two lovely strong networks (one is RNOH Staff, the other is RNOH Voice) but they are both password-protected. Mobile signal is patchy as well unfortunately, but as I sit here with my phone on the table by my laptop I've got some 3G. Then I'll pick it up and it'll go to G and then disappears! And then comes back again. Feh.
23/09/10 01:50
Can't sleep and have a terrible headache because of it. Feeling really damn scared right now and having a cry. Except I can't seem to stop crying. I'm overthinking and worrying about stuff I can't realistically do anything about. And there are things beeping and women farting for England and this bed just isn't as comfy as the one at home and and and...
I wish I could block out all thought and sound and every sensation that is screaming “You're not at home, you're in hospital and tomorrow you'll be in so much pain,” because it is really NOT HELPING in the slightest. I have shut the curtains around my bed in an attempt to visually block things.
I have texted Queen and I have talked to Tom (I went into the Day Room to be able to talk properly and have a weep but was gently shepherded out by nurses because they didn't know where I was. Next time I will call him from my bed, even if it is 3am) but nothing really helps. I am desperate for a cuddle that would comfort me for five minutes and give me that little bit of strength that I need to steel myself to get through this. I will see him in a few days though, he is coming on Tuesday and he is bringing teddies for cuddles.
I am worrying about stupid things: the fact I need to have a crap before I go into surgery, will they put a catheter in, will they say that not having an epidural is ok, will there be complications and will I wake up without a lower right leg. Actually, as Tom has pointed out, if the latter happens, I'll be walking quicker than if it doesn't.
I have to work out which way is North West from when I am sitting in bed so that William and I can wave to Firmin, Beh', Elg, Emily and Tom. This would be easier if I had a compass as the only map of the hospital I have doesn't have a compass on it. I am trying to look for an app for one on my phone but the aforementioned signal issues aren't helping. A few minutes later and I have found, downloaded and installed one. Amazingly, when I sit up in bed, I face North West. So that's easy then!
02:17
Well, the crying seems to have lessened a bit and the desire to succumb to exhaustion is high but the likelihood of being able to do so continues to be rock bottom. I could watch a film but I don't really want to and I don't think my book could hold my attention well enough. Have just worked out that it's nearly 200 miles to Tom's house from here. That's a long way to wave.
09:04
I'm waiting for the shower to be free. Apparently I have to take one this morning. I guess that makes sense, though I've no shower gel with me. Oh well. I'll have to try and get the plaster off my elbow as well.
I did manage to get some sleep in the end, after numbing my brain with Solitaire until about half 3. I'm nil by mouth now unfortunately. I've seen the lady who came to take blood yesterday (Angela), she tried again today and failed miserably again. My hand is a bit sore because of it. I've also seen the anaesthetist (need to try and get his name) (Mr Cooper?) and a guy who is an assistant surgeon. And also Mr Calder. The anaesthetist and Mr Calder are lovely and I'm in good hands. I feel much more sure about it this morning after seeing them, which is lucky.
24/09/10 18:09
It's been a long day. Obs at 6.45 and full lights on at 7 meant I was awake from then without much choice in the matter! I had a bowl of branflakes and a cup of tea for breakfast. I saw Nicola the physio and she helped me put my legs out of bed and stand on my left leg! She was very pleased with how well I was doing already. In between main course and pudding at lunch Mr Calder waltzed in to tell me how the surgery 'went like a dream' and to have a look at how I was doing. Mum came and brought treats like apple and orange juice and a smoothie and fresh blueberries and raspberries and a yoghurt and some biscuits. Lovely.
I have also managed to use the commode now instead of the bedpan, which is incredibly good.
My nurse today has mostly been Karen who lives in Brixworth near Kettering.
Thankfully, Rochelle will be going home tomorrow and I will be glad because she talks a lot and a lot of rubbish and complains and is quite negative, which isn't particularly welcome.
Now I need to ring for the commode again and to ask them to undo the anti-DVT thing a little (it's too tight) and to move my right leg so it's in a much better position. I've slouched and it's not helping. I am very sleepy though.
21:29
Oh god, the anti-DVT thing. I want to kill whoever invented it. My right leg keeps twitching as well, which is like torture. The left leg is like having recurring pins and needles every fifteen seconds. I'm pretty sure it's not meant to be like that. Think there might be pressure on my leg in the wrong place because of the pillow underneath it. I've just rolled it slightly and now it doesn't feel like my calf is touching the bandage. Fucking hell. Ow.
Right, going to call for the commode again and then see if I can tuck up to sleep. I'm certainly exhausted enough.
25/09/10 08:50
oh god oh god the pain. Just had first painkillers of the morning, first for about ten hours. This is so painful. Trying to keep wiggling my toes is really hard. Just been on the commode too and managed to stand with the walker for about two minutes while waiting for a nurse to turn up and help back into bed. Gave me pins and needles in my left leg. Right knee hurts. Right heel hurts. Feel like I can't relax my right leg so I hope the physio arrives soon and helps me figure out what's going on with the pillow. I still can't lift my leg unaided. It's so heavy. And it hurts so much. William is doing really well and is cuddling me a lot but he can't do anything to stop it hurting.
Having just been on the commode, they seem to have forgotten to put the anti-DVT torture device back on my left leg which is nice. But I need someone to lift my leg and sort out the pillow, I think I'm getting pressure sores.
Ok, we've tried moving my leg a bit. They're going to try putting a trough underneath at some point I don't know what that is but hopefully it will help.
10:46
I've had more painkillers, and a wash. Clean sheets, t-shirt pants and bra on. Feeling more human. William is giving me a lovely cuddle. It's nice and sunny outside. They've forgotten to put the anti-DVT thing on again, and apparently they don't put it back on when it's been off for more than 3 hours, which it pretty much has been.
Later I hope they will take the last canula out of my hand so I can actually use it properly. I'm trying to keep drinking too. Just managed to lift my leg enough to clear the pillow and reposition. Ow! But I did it!
Halfway through my wash, another vampire came to do post-op blood removal for tests. She was very good and very quick. She said to take the tape off after about half an hour, so I have done. Ow! Sigh, we'll get there eventually.
20:40
I've managed to get into my nightie by myself. My leg is tingling a bit but it's probably mostly because I can see it all now. Bandages came off earlier and the whole thing seems heavier! I was almost managing to move it around a bit by myself with the bandages on but now I feel like I don't know how to go about it so much. It's just so heavy. I know I'm tired and that makes it worse, but it really is a fucking heavy contraption.
I'm really tired. Walked with the physio to the end of the ward and back and then walked to the toilet and back. It's a lot longer than you think, must've been about a 50m round trip. BUT I'm really pleased with myself, it proves I can do it though I don't have to and will now continue to use the commode until I've gotten my strength up more.
My head is itchy. Needs a better wash really, but I've no soap. Have texted mum to ask her to bring some tomorrow. Can't wait for this canula to come out tomorrow, it's probably not in a vein anymore and it hurts.
22:08
New form of anti-DVT torture device: injection into tummy!!! Sigh.
One of the pin sites started bleeding on the way back into bed from the commode, probably because of the exertion. Apparently it's not unusual when the dressings have been taken off, and it didn't look very blood-like (kind of water-y really). Just a bit of a dribble.
I hope I can get comfy tonight, I'm really worn out and a bit worried about what it'll be like sleeping when the frame isn't all bandaged up. Might ask for a blanket or sheet to wrap around or put over. Might get chilly. Signs are not pointing to chilliness, I'm quite warm. Toes might get cold though.
26/09/10 08:33
It's chilly this morning. Fingers are cold. Leg is sore and achey, but painkillers have been maintained overnight so I think the ache is just a general to be expected and the position I've slept in. I've had a bowl of branflakes and two slices of brown toast for breakfast and I'm really hoping that I'll have a bowel movement this morning, as the last one was on Thursday morning before the op. I'll probably have to do that on the commode, I don't fancy going all the way to the toilet. It's a bloody long way. They've started doing beds and I'll suggest having the commode while they make my bed again, which they did yesterday, as it's a lot easier for them to change the bed sheets with no patient on.
10:03
I've washed and dressed myself. Pleased that I managed it but I'm now really worn out. Was sat up with my leg down for about 10-15 minutes which made me feel really woozy, unsurprisingly. Back in bed now with clean sheets and clean teeth. Cup of tea has just been made and William is having a sit up and is helping me type. He just went flying off the bed, think he is feeling better today too. Time to play a computer game, methinks.
29/09/10 07:33
I seem to have fallen out of the habit of writing in this.
A lot has been going on since the last entry but twitter has been sufficient for me for writing stuff down, I think. Or I haven't felt like typing.
Most interesting things that have happened:
DM came to visit on Sunday evening
Tom came to visit with Beh', Firmin and Elg yesterday (it was William's birthday too)
Mary did my pin site care with Mum and I yesterday
Mr Calder came and wrote down numbers to put into the computer so it will spit out a turning pattern for the frame
I've opened my bowels
I sat on a trolley waiting for / having an x-ray for about two hours on Monday, but haven't seen the pictures yet
A lady on the other side of the ward caused a long and loud disturbance yesterday which really upset me: I'm mentally composing a letter / comments form to the ward manager regarding the calm professionalism of the nurses who dealt with the patient
That's about it really. I'm still in pain and beginning to want to be at home. Today is physio this morning because the porter brought a wheelchair I had no chance of getting into yesterday afternoon. Then this afternoon is 'distractions', also known as 'turning of the screws'. Or something. I get the feeling the thing I thought was a Friday clinic is actually a Wednesday, so that's a bit different.
I'm really tired. Going to sit here and listen to music a while with my eyes closed till the nurses get to me for swapover.
09:42
Washed, dressed, waiting for porter for physio. Feeling more with it now though my leg is aching. I think that'll be a theme over the next year. I've jettisoned a few cushioning bits under it overnight and now just have a thin pillow underneath, which is helping with the extension for my hamstring. I don't think it's really affecting anything else under there, and the aching is probably because of Mr Calder coming and twiddling the screws yesterday.
22:59
Just typed up my first set of distractions numbers so I can put them in the Cloud for usefulness. Mum and Dad were here when Mr Calder and Mary arrived to do the first turning, I'm glad that Dad got to see how it's done and that Mr Calder could explain it a bit to him, it means he is confident enough to help do turning for me. I'll be back next Wednesday for clinic!
I am going home tomorrow. I have been signed off by physio, OT and consultant and all I need are the drugs, basically. I'm looking forward to it, mostly for the nicer bed if I'm honest, it's not nice lying on these plastic mattresses – you get hot really quickly. I have got Hazel's address so I can send her Christmas cards! Gave my comments 'form' to Claire (Senior Staff Nurse) to read before she put them in the comments box for me. She was on her way home when I did but she obviously read them before she left as she sent a message through with Tina (Student Nurse!) to say that she'd read it and that it made her teary! Awww! But credit where credit is due. Nursing can be such a thankless task, it's why I have tried to learn some of the nurses' names and say thank you whenever they do something for me or bring PILLS!
Tomorrow I will be back in the land of the internet and I will post this, probably as a job lot, to the blog. If you've read this far, well done and you're all caught up.
no subject
on 2010-10-02 05:38 am (UTC)You have done - and are continuing to do - so well, everyone here is terribly proud of you.